Self-Portrait

Self-Portrait is about the depersonalisation I experience through my severe anxiety and other mental health issues; the disconnect between the “I” and the disability making me largely reliant on a wheelchair, I have experienced for the last decade.

 

 

SELF-

 

 

 

As well as that disconnect, I have suffered from BDD for many years and before that, anorexia and bulimia which resulted in a long hospital stay as a teenager.  The way I feel about myself since I have become a wheelchair user has made me want to hide away from the world.  My body changed, my posture.  The things that made me, changed.  I have refused to have photos taken for the last decade.  However for this piece I did.  However I altered my face in various ways, turning my face into a melting mask without eyes in one of the images and then removing my mouth in the other.

These photos were then transferred onto painted wood and then burnished, removing fragments of me as I went.

 

EL Wire was then threaded over the images in such a manner that they could collapse into each other, one larger and one slightly smaller.  These pulse on and off, reminiscent of an emergency signal, illuminating part of the portraits in the process, highlighting the fragmented elements of the work and my “self” that it represents.

Self-Portrait from BADHofbauer on Vimeo.